This week, our resident sexologist answers a question on sex addiction and advises how to manage urges in a healthy way.

Q: Dear Jamie,

I think I’m addicted to sex.

I travel a lot for work and have absolutely no issue meeting people. I’m a good-looking guy so I find it pretty easy to pick people up. I’ve been sleeping with a different person a few times a week, sometimes 3–4 different people in a row. I’ve only really started thinking about it as addiction because I’ve been using Viagra a lot and it’s starting to affect my health. I wouldn’t necessarily consider this as a problem for me however now that it’s affecting my health, I want to understand it more and learn to handle my addiction better, if I have one?

A: Hey reader,

It sounds like you’re navigating a situation that many people struggle with but don’t always recognise. Sex addiction, also known as compulsive sexual behaviour or hypersexuality, can manifest in different ways and, as you’ve noticed, may start impacting health when it involves things like dependency on Viagra or a pattern of excessive sexual activity. Since you’re travelling a lot and finding it easy to meet partners, it might feel normal, but when it starts affecting your wellbeing, that’s a signal to take it seriously.

The DSM-5 characterises Hypdersexual disorder (HD) as a repetitive and intensive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges and behaviours, leading to adverse consequences and clinically significant distress or impact in social, work or other important functional areas. 

Sex addiction is often characterised by an inability to control your sexual urges, even when they start to have negative consequences. In your case, needing Viagra more frequently is a sign that your body may be reacting to the strain of maintaining such a high level of sexual activity. While this might not yet be a full-blown addiction, it’s important to consider how behaviours like this can impact not only your physical health but also your emotional wellbeing.

Compulsive sexual behaviour is quite under-researched, but figures estimate about  8% of adult men and 3% of adult women are affected by sex addiction – approximately 3 million Australians.

Sex addicts often rely on sexual behaviours as a way to cope with emotional or psychological stress. Engaging in sexual activity or porn stimulates the release of key neurotransmitters, including dopamine (boosting motivation), endorphins (inducing euphoria), oxytocin (enhancing bonding and affection), adrenaline (creating heightened alertness and excitement), and serotonin (stabilising mood).

This cocktail of chemicals provides temporary relief or pleasure, which can reinforce compulsive behaviours, creating a cycle where the individual increasingly relies on sexual stimulation to feel good or escape from other challenges. Brain-based research also focuses on the neurobiology of addiction and says that addiction is influenced by two main factors – biological (genes, hormones and neurotransmitters) and environmental (developmental and external experiences).

Many people confuse sexual addiction with having a high libido, but the difference lies in control. If your sexual behaviour is compulsive, meaning it’s hard to stop even when you want to, or it’s starting to interfere with other parts of your life like work and relationships, it could be classified as an addiction. Addiction often leads to a cycle where the more you engage in the behaviour, the more you crave it, potentially putting stress on your body and relationships.

Here’s the good news, acknowledging the issue is the first step towards understanding it! You don’t have to give up sex, but learning to manage these urges in a healthier way can lead to better outcomes for both your health and relationships. Therapy can be incredibly useful in helping people with compulsive sexual behaviours regain control and develop a healthier relationship with sex.

A good starting point is to ask yourself these questions:

• Can I manage my sexual impulses?
• Am I distressed by my sexual behaviours?
• Is my sexual behaviour hurting my relationships, affecting my work or causing serious problems?
• Do I try to hide my sexual behaviour?

It’s also important to be aware of the emotional aspects. Many people use sex to escape feelings of loneliness, stress, or low self-esteem, and sometimes addressing these underlying emotions can significantly reduce compulsive behaviours. If you’re travelling all the time for work, it may be harder for you to maintain intimate relationships or you may be looking for physical intimacy and sex is the easiest way to get it.

Treatment for compulsive sexual behaviour can involve several approaches. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is often the foundation, which helps you understand and reframe the thought patterns driving your behaviour – this is a great place to start. Medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or mood stabilisers can also be prescribed to regulate impulsive urges or underlying mental health conditions. For some, hormone therapy can also be used to reduce sex drive. There’s also addressing your lifestyle factors such as stress management, self-care practices, and setting healthy boundaries which can also play a crucial role in achieving balance and control.

If you’re looking to move forward, I’d suggest talking to a therapist who specialises in sex therapy or addiction. They can help you identify the root causes and develop strategies for managing your desires without compromising your health. Understanding your triggers to being impulsive sexually also means you can start setting healthy boundaries for yourself. 

Take care of yourself, and remember, this is a journey toward balance, not deprivation!

Stay safe and stay sexy,

Jamie

Jamie Bucirde has a postgraduate degree in sexology from Curtin University. Her advice is of a general nature and should be taken in the spirit of the column.