Artificial intelligence is making its way into every part of our lives so our resident sexologist, Jamie Bucirde, breaks down the positives and negatives to dating with ChatGPT.

In a world where love is often reduced to swipes and likes, young people are turning to an unlikely source for romantic advice: artificial intelligence.

Yes, the same technology that can power your vacuum cleaner might also be the key to unlocking your love life. Welcome to the age of digital dating advice, where your relationship therapist never needs a coffee break and always knows what to say (or at least, it thinks it does).

As a sexologist, I always value face-to-face communication and (until recently) I’ve always believed that discussing love, sex, and relationships is best done in person. Nothing quite compares to the shared giggles and the collective gasps when hearing about a client or friend’s latest dating disaster. But thanks to COVID-19 and our increasing reliance on digital communication, even matters of the heart have gone online.

Recently, three young people in my life confessed to using ChatGPT for relationship advice. Forget awkwardly texting your ex for closure—now you can type ‘Why won’t they text back?’ into a chatbot and hope for enlightenment from the digital abyss.

Young folks are using AI to craft perfect first messages, decode cryptic emojis (hello eggplant x squirt combination), and even find out the best way to ‘define the relationship’ without causing a panic attack. It’s like having a best friend who’s available 24/7 and doesn’t judge when you text them at 2am in a heartbroken stupor.

The pros and cons of AI advice

There’s something comforting about AI’s impartial nature. It won’t roll its eyes when you ask about a third date outfit or suggest a self-help book when you’re feeling down. It just spits out data-driven advice, allowing you to skip the therapy waiting room for answers that may or may not make sense.

The benefits:

• Always available: AI is ready for your emotional crises 24/7 without any judgment.
• Cost-effective: No need for expensive therapy sessions when you can get sound advice for free.
• Non-judgmental: AI doesn’t care if you’re asking about how to handle a text from your ex or wondering why they haven’t called yet.

The drawbacks:

• Lack of nuance: While AI can analyse text messages, it can’t read between the lines of human emotion. For me, this is extremely important.
• No emotional depth: You won’t find AI offering a shoulder to cry on or understanding the intricacies of why you hate your partner’s favourite TV show. It also doesn’t understand empathy, which is another incredibly important factor when giving relationship advice.
• Potential for misinformation: Depending on outdated data, AI might suggest moves that went out of style with dial-up internet. Another thing to note, is that if we don’t actually understand the source of information, how can we know it is ethical?

Despite its limitations, there’s no denying AI has found a niche in modern love lives. It’s kind of like a digital wingman who’s always on your side, offering icebreakers and pep talks before that nerve-wracking first date. It’s a comfort to know there’s something out there as invested in your romantic future as you are, even if it is just a series of 1s and 0s.

Young people are even using AI to navigate tricky conversations about open relationships or explore why intimacy feels different from what they expected. The real trick is finding balance. AI can be a useful tool, a stepping stone to deeper self-awareness or a starting point for conversations you didn’t know how to begin. But it shouldn’t replace the warmth and understanding that only human connection can provide.

A recent study done by ‘Ending Loneliness Together’, a national network of organisations working together to deliver evidence-based research, asked over 4000 Australians about their experience with persistent loneliness – feelings of loneliness that last at least 8 weeks.

They found that two in five 18 to 24-year-olds said they’d experienced persistent loneliness. It also found that one in four Australians experience long-term loneliness.

Those stats are extremely high, and I can bet that a huge reason for Australians feeling lonelier than usual is that we are living in a world that now prioritises digital communication instead of face-to-face connection. So how can we use chatGBT to facilitate human connection, not replace it? 

Relationships thrive on empathy, understanding, and communication—the kind of connection that comes from shared experiences and genuine human interaction. While AI might be able to help you compose the perfect reply to a flirty text, it can’t replicate the magic of a spontaneous smile or the comfort of a heartfelt conversation.

So, I conclude: While AI offers a fascinating new dimension to relationship advice, let’s not forget the value of real-world connections. Love is messy, unpredictable, and beautifully human — just the way it should be. So, go ahead, ask your AI friend for advice, but remember: the best wisdom often comes from those who know your heart, not just your history of online searches.

(I want to know, do you or would you use ChatGBT for sex and relationship advice? Email me with your story).

Jamie Bucirde has a postgraduate degree in sexology from Curtin University. Her advice is of a general nature and should be taken in the spirit of the column.