Our resident sexologist Jamie Bucirde answers your questions on love, sex and relationships each fortnight. This week, she busts the male myth that bringing sex toys into the bedroom may make a bloke redundant.
Festive gifts with a difference
Q: Help! I want to buy my partner a new sex toy for Christmas but I have no idea where to start because we’ve never used one together.
A: Introducing sex toys into your relationship can be a great way to re-ignite excitement and boost your sex life!
I recommend this 100 per cent. If you’re new to the sex toy world, there are some great entry-level toys that you can start with that are fun, playful and easy to manoeuvre.
My top sex store recommendations in Adelaide:
- Honey Birdette
- Adult Bliss Erotica
- The Vibe
Bringing sex toys into your relationship can:
- Enhance intimacy and open up communication about your sex life
- Discover new ways to reach orgasm
- Add novelty and excitement into your life. The zest!
Before we get down to it, if you’re looking to create more excitement with your partner, have you considered going sex toy shopping together?
I’ve done this with multiple partners and it’s a great bonding activity that helps you feel like you’re both along for the ride (pun intended).
If you want to give it gifted to your partner on Christmas, here are my top picks for entry-level toys:
BONDAGE: Handcuffs & a blindfold (Gender neutral)
Simple, yet extremely effective.
This is a great initiation into the BDSM (Bondage, discipline, dominance and submission) world and is also considered a ‘low impact’ practice.
Using handcuffs or other soft materials to tie your partner up is an excellent starting point! If you’re not into handcuffs, you can buy a silk scarf or another soft material to use that isn’t as confronting.
Imagine this: Sit your partner on a chair, handcuff them and blindfold them with a scarf. Spend the time admiring and worshipping every inch of their body. Let them feel admired.
I like to use a feather or a scarf to run it over a partner’s skin to enhance their sensations. When you take sight away, all of your other senses get heightened, and it can be so fun to tease your partner when they feel safe with you. I always recommend creating a safe word in case your partner isn’t enjoying it — consent is key and check in with your partner throughout the experience (before, during and after).
Read the entire back catalogue of On the Cusp here.
Nipple Teasers: (Gender Neutral)
The nipple is a known endogenous zone — meaning it usually has heightened sensitivity for all sexes and feels great when given a little extra attention.
A study targeting sexual arousal response found that 84.6 per cent of women who participated reported a ‘high arousal’ response from nipple stimulation. Have you ever heard of a nipple pump? Nipple pumps increase blood flow to your nipples which increases your sensitivity responses for further stimulation. It’s a suction device that you latch onto your nipple. You can use one or one for each nipple!
Nipple clamps are another great option if you want something a little more hardcore. Nipple clamps are totally safe if used correctly and you can adjust the strength of the clamp to fit your pain threshold. You can buy a pair of clamps that attach to both nipples. You can find these at most sex stores or online.
The Womaniser: (For vulva owners)
The womaniser is hands down my favourite sex toy.
For a lot of women and vulva owners, they can only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, myself included. This is completely normal, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Designed for vulva owners, the womaniser is a pulsing clitoral stimulator with controlled settings that can increase in intensity. The clitoras is full of nerve endings (up to 10,000) which means when stimulated it can increase your chances of reaching orgasm.
As it’s the only organ in the human body designed only for pleasure, it makes sense to give it some extra attention. Using this with a partner is a great way to make sure everyone involved is feeling optimum pleasure.
Of course, I wouldn’t be a good sexologist without getting to the butt stuff.
Did you know that the equivalent of the male ‘G’ spot (the prostate) is located in the butt hole? That means that for men, when stimulated, it can create incredibly pleasurable sensations. I also want to debunk the myth that using butt plugs or other forms of anal play means you’re a certain sexual orientation. No matter who you’re attracted to, pleasure is pleasure and it shouldn’t have to threaten your sexuality.
There are so many sizes you can try, and I highly recommend it if you’re using one for the first time to go small. Another non-negotiable is lube. Lube will be your best friend for anything butt related so make sure you’ve got some handy!