Maybe it will be a relative, or your friend’s inaugural offspring or, maybe, your own baby’s best-friend-for-life’s fifth birthday. These events might seem casual, but there’s a lot at stake – if you get it wrong you could be labelled “boring”, “smelly” – or worse – for life.

For the lady:

Being a hit at a kid’s birthday party requires an outfit that appeals to a five year old as much as a 55 year old. Good luck.

Bottom half: Don’t wear a skirt. You definitely need to sit on the floor and contribute to some serious game playing. But, you also want to look pretty like a princess. These Alice + Olivia wide-leg pants give that swishy skirt feeling but also prevent flashing when you’re getting down on kid level.

Top half: At some point between Pass the Parcel and having your hair plaited, there will be a lull. You should take this opportunity to try all the baked goods and wearing a not-too-tight top without cleavage (for appropriateness) will therefore serve you best. This long-sleeved tee from Trouvé also allows you to add some layers underneath if the autumn day turns out to be chilly.

Hair: Keep your hair away from pulling hands, out of the cake and free from entanglement with complex toys by putting it in a ponytail. But stop yourself from looking like the scary librarian from school by framing your face with a loose, messy fringe.  

Shoes: If you want to not be hated (by the kids, and their parents by default) you have to run around, so heels are a no-go. But sneakers are not going to work with those pants. These Marlene cut-out oxfords are comfortable and functional, and they’re blue! Blue is fun.

Bag: Kids – as anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with them can attest – require large amounts of equipment. Be a go-to for all generations with a large bag full of tissues, snacks, toys, juice boxes and an emergency adults-only drink supply. The huge Heywood 1922 Tote in black will fit all of the above, look stylish and avoid staining.

Accessories: Your RillRill marble necklace will no doubt be clutched and pulled by babies, but it and the DanielEmma x Ark Collective watch are hardy rather than fragile pieces. And they’re your ticket to feeling grown-up even as you’re engaged in a heated game of double-dutch jump rope. 

For the gentleman:

It may seem contradictory but a kid’s birthday is simultaneously a sprint and a marathon. Either way a touch of sports luxe won’t go astray.

Feet: We normally start up top but for the shorter-than-thou line up of mini fashionistas we’re going to have to get down to begin with. Hit them right at eye level with a pair of Nike Air Hurache Ultra in teal. Mean, green, Duck, Duck… GOOSE winning machines.

Bottoms: What’s the weather? Where’s the party? If the answer is “park” and “hot” then “shorts” must surely follow. Prepare to be stung by the powerful jet-water blast of a newly minted Super Soaker (what are they up to now – 5000?) with these smart-casual and quick-drying Nike 7” Distance running shorts.

Wrist: While these children may remind you of yourself when you were that age, please remember that they are not. They are techno-natives who’re chewing through megabytes with their apples daily. So why not bring along your new apple watch? They’ll probably be able to show you how to actually use it.

Top: Sharpen up your look considerably with a new black polo from TY-LR Man. The Adelaide-designed label has just released a full spectrum collection for the modern monochrome man. The style is classic and fitted, which should throw off your present tennis player aesthetic and make the transition from pokemon to cornichons a breeze.

Eyes: We’re in love with AM Eyewear’s AVA.3 sunglasses – Zeiss lenses, handcrafted acetate and Japanese titanium frame. They get straight to the point of protecting your eyes and your friendships; the dark lenses obscure any eye rolling you may be inclined to while hearing how special your friend’s kids truly are.

Head: It’s Australia. Wear a hat. In 2016 it should be a reflex action for a man to put on a hat when he steps outside in the sun. Plus this broad brim natural seagrass straw hat acts as the perfect catchall when the piñata explodes and lollies rain down upon thee.