Never in the year do you come so close to counting down to your own death than New Year’s Eve. Dress for this sombre occasion with a sense of reckless abandon and silence all the silly little voices in your head that tell you not to wear exactly what you want and not to dance exactly how you want.

For the lady:

Forget the bone-crunching, ever-judging weight of time passing by dressing well as you watch one more year of your life slip into meaningless oblivion. Don’t get us wrong – looking good won’t help, but it also won’t hurt. And nor will the several double Camparis on ice we recommend matching with this outfit. 

Head: Despite the fact that time travel still eludes us (as do hoverboards – but for some reason we have invented alarm clock coffee makers), the 1970s returned with force in 2015. Some parts of this trend were heinous and unflattering, but the hair was ok – so get your centre part and waves ready to count down to the future while looking like you’re from the past. 

torso: The reality of New Year’s Eve is that you’re either going to have an amazing time or a terrible time. Hedge a bet each way with this structured white crossover top from Nasty Gal (who named that site? Seriously.) – which looks good whether you’re catching an Uber home early on the night, or not so early the next morning. 

Pants: We don’t know where culottes came from, or why the fashion gods anointed them to sit as one of the year’s top trends – but we’re glad they did because they’re comfortable, which is something that happens about once every fifth century in women’s apparel. Put on a pair of black ones from Warehouse and you’ll be hitting the monochrome trend too, without even a hint of soul destroying agony resulting from your outfit choices.   

Accessories: There will be plenty of boring things (eg – your best friend’s friends from work) at the party anyway, so make sure your earrings don’t match them. Instead add some colour by choosing these blue zigzag pattern earrings from Oh Deer and also add some colour in conversation by telling people what you really think.

Shoes: Don’t let your earrings get laughed out of town for being the only ray of vibrancy in an otherwise monochromatic landscape. Get these Ava platforms from Sophia Webster, and wear them for all of 2016 too. The world is a shambles, and these shoes are just the ticket for confusing predators in the post-apocalyptic landscape.

For the gentleman:

There’s a lot of pressure placed on this particular party, so set yourself up for success with a few cues from those who’ve partied before you.

In the lead up: Ignore your impulse to bring on bristle-length locks and let it grow longer over your ears and brow. There’s nothing so relaxed and summery as some sun-and-salt-bleached hair.

6pm – 10pm: Begin with bling. The first stage of your NYE kit should say, “Freeze! I’m with the Miami PD,” – Don Johnson oozed party with state-sanctioned-authority. Make sure your fellow revelers take you seriously as they peer at their reflection in your gold-mirrored Saraghina “Gerry” frames and keep up your professional party-man pretenses with a pair of sharply tailored yellow cotton trousers by P. Johnson Tailors. These pants stop right above the ankle to avoid the party-killing blight of ankle-sweat that so plagued 2015. Plain black Pass~Port socks perfectly compliment the Issey Miyake X Steve Jobs style turtleneck you should be sporting up top. If your party is 1/1000th as anticipated as an Apple product launch you’ll be stoked for the whole of the following year, so keep things normcore and finish this first stage wardrobe with a pair of hipster-envying black leather and gum-soled Stan Smith Adidas sneakers.

10pm – midnight: It wouldn’t be Christmas without Saint Nick just as it wouldn’t be New Year’s without Bill Murray. Go from sitting at the dinner table to dancing on top of it with the no-nonsense, “Bill Murray in Groundhog Day impersonating Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly look. Just plain confuse your friends by throwing a poncho over your shoulders, donning a broad brim black fedora and sparking a Montecristo cigar. ¡L’Chaim brother! 

2016: A bottle of Veuve Clicquot and a packet of sparklers to share. Everything else is superfluous.